Monday, April 25, 2016

Pan-Galactic Deism


I had a religious experience yesterday. It was a profound feeling deep in my brain, and now I understand the religious experience a little better, and I will try to be a little nicer to believers.
I suspect most christians and muslims don't understand what it means to truly believe. Belief can only come from inside, not outside. You can't be coerced, tricked, or debated into believing, you either believe or you don't. I listened to and talked with christians for years and they never came up with any evidence that I would consider convincing, but alone in my room, with no outside influence, I became a believer.
So now, overnight, I believe in god, but not your god. My god doesn't talk to us, and it's unlikely we will ever meet him. My god is he who was here first. He came upon a star with little balls of mud circling around it. On three of these mud-balls he planted seeds. Two of them withered, but the third ball flourished and evolved into a beautiful bouquet of life. So Earth is gods Chia Pet.
  If he even ever notices us, perhaps all he sees is a weed trying to take over his Chia Pet, so un-important he doesn't even bother to pull us out by the roots.
 That being said, Humans have a noble history and a glorious future among the stars. We, here and now, are the history of that future, and it is our duty to strive toward that future as rapidly and painlessly as possible. Alone, with only Science as our greatest tool, we fought our way from the caves to the modern civilization we have now. Everything we have achieved, we have achieved on our own with no outside help. That is something to be proud of.



Wednesday, March 09, 2016

Happy Birthday Douglas


I came to be a fan of Douglas Adams a bit late. Occasionally I would encounter a friend at the bookstore (back when there were such things) and he would ask if I ever read Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy. Well I've always been a bit of a sci-fi snob (I've seen most Star Trek films but only 2 of the 7 Star Wars) so I muttered something about comedy not having any place in science fiction. Then one day I was watching a Dr Who rerun, and I noticed it was written by that Adams fellow, and it was a good episode. So I promised myself I would check this guy out after all. Sometime later I ran across a used copy of Dirk Gentlys Holistic Detective Agency; I was baffled but hooked. I then read everything I could get my hands on.
So I told my friend he was right and when could we expect another book from him. That's when I found out he had died a short time earlier. Just my luck to have a new favorite and to never have the joy of a new work from him. So long, Douiglas, and thanks for all the laughs.

Monday, December 01, 2014

Do you suffer from cognitive dissonance? Too bad

Anyone who has looked into libertarianism, or even anyone who has plodded thier way through one of Ayn Rand's tedious novels, must have realized that this "philosophy" is at odds with any kind of virtue one might be able to extract from the meanderings and fallacies of the Bible or Koran. Indeed, any thinking individual must have by now come to the realization that the primitive beliefs of ancient men have been superceded by the reality of scientific investigation. Rand, however, makes her atheism an integral part of her world view. The preachers and pundits who espouse this doctrine of "greed is good" attempt to convince all of their fans that there is no contradiction between loving thy neighbor and cutting his benefits. At first this seems incongruous, but I think I have the discovered the key passage in the Bible: 2 Thessalonians 2:11-12. Of course I don't think anything from this tripe is relevant in our day and age, but if you are a believer perhaps you should take a look. Maybe something will click in your head. I'm not holding my breath, though.

Monday, April 07, 2014

“Your report, Taskmaster?” The land-owner was rich, but not very enthusiastic, and you could tell by his voice.

“The sheep are well-fed and pacified with entertainment, as you suggested. We have led them to believe that their little problems like buying toys and finding sex partners are the only things to worry about. They have no idea whats in store for them.”

The Taskmaster was fidgety and this didn't go un-noticed by the land-owner. It was obvious something was bothering him.

“Is there something else?”

“We have a malcontent who isn't falling for it. He's trying to spread discontent and refusing to be a good flock member. So far none of the others pay any attention. But that just makes him more determined. It's worrying to think that his ideas may spread to others and eventually the Department of Agriculture might get wind of it.”

“Deal with it! That's what you get paid for!”

“Do I have permission to use the secret weapon?”

“Is it absolutely necessary? If the other find out it may wake them from their stupor.”

“I have a plan that will allow us to kill two birds with one stone.”

~~~~~~~~~

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK! The wolf answered the door and the Taskmaster was standing there with hands folded in front of him. “I have a job for you.”

“i don't like having a boss. What's in it for me?”

“All the lamb-chops you can eat. They are outside in the trunk of my Fiat”

“I can get squirrels and rabbits for free. Your fiat lamb-chops are worthless.”

“Worthless, maybe. But oh so tasty. If you're not hungry perhaps you could trade some for a new flat-screen TV”

“You have a point there. What do you want me to do?”

“Clean off your sheep suit”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number 436 was laying down in the barn eating the hay that the land-owner was saving. This wasn't really allowed, but he didn't care. The wolf sidled up to him. “Why aren't you out there eating some fresh grass?”

“Why should I? The land-owner took away my freedom and the Taskmaster whips me and steals my wool. I think they owe it to me.

“Yea, it's rough. But I bet if the land-owner didn't have to pay so many taxes, he would give you more freedom. And if the Taskmaster didn't have many rules to comply with he wouldn't take out his frustration on you.”


“Are you saying that it's all the fault of the Department of Agriculture?”
“You catch on quick. I can tell you are different and special, so I'm going to tell you a secret...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wake up, 667! I got something to tell you!”

Number 667 groggily lifted his head to see what his friend wanted. He was tired from searching out the tastiest clover, and somewhat perturbed that 436 wasn't. “This better be important.”

“It is. I just figured it all out. If it wasn't for the Department of Agriculture the landowner would give us more freedom and the Taskmaster wouldn't be so pissed off.”

“Why do you always want to talk about complicated issues when I'm half asleep? Listen, if it wasn't for the Department of Agriculture, the landowner would scrimp on our food and shelter and the Taskmaster would abuse us even more. They are protecting us from greed and avarice.”

“No no, you don't understand! If you talked to the people I talked to, and read all the books I read you would see for yourself.”

“Where did you get all those books?”

“From the new guy.”

“So you got all those books from the same guy? And they all say the same thing? Thats not research, that's thought control. Why don't you read one of mine?”

“But they might tell me something I don't want to hear, and since I know I'm right, they must be wrong.”

“That is a logical fallacy, and if I had some coffee I could tell you which one.”

“No you're not getting it. I have learned the secret words that once spoken will bring us everything we've ever wanted. Don't you see, words are magic. That's why they call it spelling. Get it? Spelling? Magic spells? It all makes sense.”

“Words are words. There is no such thing as magic. Getting 'spelling' mixed up with 'spells' is like saying that there must be a heaven because it rhymes with seven. If it only works in English, it can't be some sort of mystical truth, or else it would be true in German and Spanish and all other languages too.”

“But the new guy told me and I believe him because I want it to be true.”

“Then why is he here? If he knows magic, he should just create himself a magic land and go there and forget about this place.”

“He did! He said the magic words and got what he wanted. He just came here to tell me that I can do the same thing. I now have special knowledge, and that makes me free.”

“Let me guess; for just $299 he will tell you how Fiat Currency is worthless. This is a huge scam and he wants you to be a Guinea pig.”

“You're wrong. He cares about me and wants me to get what I deserve.” He stormed out of his friends stall in a huff.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number 436 marched into the office of the Department of Agriculture without an appointment. He wrote his name with the magic ink and spoke the magic words, and was promptly handcuffed and led away to the echoes of laughter. As the knife came closer to his throat, he regretted believing the wolf and not reading some of 667s books.


The Investigator for the Department of Agriculture talked to the landowner and the taskmaster, and they decided to shoot the wolf. The wolf was dangerous, but he was outnumbered.


667 lived to a ripe old age. Sure he gave up his wool once a year, and he wasn't always in the best of health, but at least he was alive and free to read any book he chose.


Nothing else changed.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Alternative Medicine That Actually Works



Due to the rising costs of health-care, many people are looking into "alternative medicine". With an unemployment rate of 9% (closer to 16% if you include the people who have given up looking for work and the under-employed)it's no wonder many are looking for home remedies. I've heard stories of people using pet medicine because it's cheaper. I wouldn't recommend that course of action unless you've had some college level chemistry, although I suppose you could call it "alternative".
Health care costs are still rising and thanks to free trade any new jobs we do create are likely to be low-wage service industry jobs resulting in fewer trips to the doctor, thus raising costs again. If the Republicans are able to bust the unions like they want there will be even fewer patients for the doctors so they will have to raise the prices even more. Not that the Doctors give a shit anyway; higher prices plus fewer patients equals more golf. When I was a young idealist I thought that doctors and teachers were the most noble professions because they help people. I still think teachers are noble because they do it for a LOT less money than doctors. Now I think Doctors are for the most part spoiled rich kids who disguise their greed with patriotism. Being patriotic implies concern for your fellow country-men; I wish I knew how greed became a virtue.
Enough ranting; here is the list of Alternative Medicine That Actually Works. Anything not on this list has either not been proved to work or been proved not to work.
1. Herbal medicine
Some herbs actually do have pharmacological properties, but they can be variable in quality. Most of the good ones are well known and available over the counter. Before you try herbs you should do research first, but be careful. There is a lot of misinformation out there. Also remember that anything you ingest is changed by the digestion process. That's why things like rhino horn and bear bile could never work even if they had the claimed properties. In other words, eating dolphin brains won't make you smarter.
2. Maggots
If you get a massive infection and have no money for the doctor you could get gangrene. If you do, don't kill the maggots. They will eat the dead flesh and may keep the infection from spreading. Letting them live will actually increase your chances of survival. Kill the maggots and without medical science you could die too.
Well, that's about it. Accupuncture works as well as a placebo; chiropractic is glorified massage. If you can't get to a doctor you are fucked. Tough luck Charlie, that's the American Way. What are you, unpatriotic?

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Ending the Recession in One Easy Step



So we all know the US has a huge National Debt, right? I've heard all kinds of hypotheses and elaborate schemes to bring back prosperity, but the simplest plan is always the best. All we need to do is arrest the pope and set the bail at 3 trillion. I'm sure the Vatican could come up with it (though they might have to pawn a couple of golden thrones). Then we could collectively apologize to Sinead O'Connor.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Bush Regime memorial



Did you see the tea-baggers with the "Obama-as-Hitler" signs. If you have the misfortune to to be trapped into conversing with one of these creatures, try not to smile too much when you realize that they see no irony in this. You won't be able to get them to see the irony no matter how you try, so don't even bring it up. If does come up however, be prepared to respond to this:
"you guys called Bush a nazi, Now it's our turn."
See how he trapped you like that? That's why I told you not to bring it up. Now what are you going to say to him? "But that was different!"
Feeble.
Indeed it was different, but your bewildered friend there has been drinking Reagan-flavored Kool-aid for so long that you'll never get him to see that. Some people are beyond reach.
Instead, do what I do. Say to him or her, "I never compared Bush to Hitler. He wasn't even in the same league with Hitler." Then tell them this joke:
"Q. What's the difference between Bush and Pinochet?
A. One destroyed his middle class, tortured people, and told the poor to go to hell. The other was the dictator of Chile."

He probably won't laugh. Nevertheless, I believe it to be one helluva good joke. Because, you see Pinochet was the dictator of Chile and Bush.. oh, never mind. If you gotta explain these jokes, then you lose the comedic timing.
Seriously though, don't even argue with these people. It does no good and it legitimizes their point of view. It's why scientists don't debate with UFO abductees or creationists. There are not two sides to EVERY issue, especially when one side is completely wacko.
Besides as these people become less rational, they become more violent. It's not worth risking injury to make a point to someone who won't acknowledge that you made a point.
Instead, use your time more wisely and go home and prepare for the coming class war. Only it won't be a class war; the corporate media will spin it into a race war. The rich people can hire people who are smarter than us and know how to shift public opinion. Do you really think the owners of the air-waves will allow a revolt against their incestuous hegemony? They will have the red-necks and the brown people killing each other in the streets quicker than you can say "Gulf of Tonkin" if it means they get off the hook. And who do you think is going to be stuck in the middle? Me and you. The remnants of the former middle class. Whose side will you be on? Better ask which side will allow you to join. The skin-heads think people like you are the cause of their problems, and you're not brown enough to move to the hood. You will feel like the only guy in jail that gets a Kosher meal. Let's see, who else can you befriend to help get through this trying time? I know! Wealthy people! So as the klan and the krips are killing each other in the street, you should mosey on down to your nearest gated community and tell the armed guard there that you want to be friends with all the nice people inside. Besides your hungry and scared. I'm sure those nice people inside will swing the gates wide open and yell "Hallelujah! The prodigal son doth return!"
Oh how they will greet you. While the different varieties of poor people are out there killing each other, your new friends will throw a feast in your honor.
Or the guard just might kick the shit out of you and not even hear as you moan "but I voted for Ron Paul and always bought BP gas," as the gate creaks shut.
In closing I will leave you with another joke. Perhaps it will act as one of those zen koan things and bring enlightenment, but I won't hold my breath. Okay, here's the joke.
The dictators from history were finding it a bit boring in the afterlife so they decided to have a peek at some warfare. One track minds, I guess. So Gengis Khan says "Hey guys! Check out the Middle East!"
Chairman Mao said "Look at those American weapons! If I had had those, I could have wiped the nationalists out of existence!"
Hitler said "Look at those American soldiers! If the Wermacht was that highly trained all of Europe would be speaking German!"
Napoleon said "If I had Fox News the French people would have never heard of Moscow."

Thursday, August 13, 2009

10 reasons

P Z was front page for about five minutes at ABC News, so he's been getting some curious people looking around. On this comment thread, everyone is listing 10 reasons to be an atheist; so here's mine...

1. The dark ages. If it wasn't for religion we would have an almost 1,000 year head start in science and technology. All the problems we have now could have been solved by now and we would be living in a peaceful, sustainable land.

2. Men wrote the bible. I'm sure some of the stories in it are based on things that may have happened, but bear so little resemblance that they can only be used as clues to figure out the real story. How can you expect a text that is nearly prehistoric to be without error?

3. There is no evidence. Unlike most Jesus-Junkies, my mind CAN be changed. All it would take is some evidence. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.

4. Any subject that needs something called "apologetics" to justify its existence is suspect from the start.

5. Most Christians are ass-holes. I drive a lot and more often than not, when someone is driving like a selfish bastard, they will have a plastic fish on the bumper. Pro-tip: Being self-centered is often indistinguishable from being stupid.

6. Religion encourages racism. 40,000 members of the KKK have been ministers.

7. There is no such thing as "super-natural". If something exists, it is either natural or artificial.
8. Why are there so few placental mammals in Australia? Only evolution can account for that.

9. Religion is a vector for toxic memes.

10. God feels he has to destroy humans every so often when they become too wicked. Why does he feel he need to be melodramatic with the fire and floods human sacrifice? If he can do anything, couldn't he just suck the blood out of evil people one at a time? That would be a cool story.

Sunday, July 05, 2009

Happy Fourth, America

America feels happier this year (well, except for some people *roll eyes*). Heres some stuff you would have learned in school if you were paying attention.

Abbey quotes
A restored letter
The Thoreau Reader

Monday, June 15, 2009

Music



I don't listen to much music anymore because most of it's crap, but here are some songs I reccomend. I guarantee you will find something you like. Go get something to ingest; you might be here a while. Sorry you gotta cut and paste, but there were too many to embed them all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMsJi9WzhX8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Roq9S8-UVTs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbWRfBZY-ng

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3BFOcjAtI0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmM15bY6fsM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKEZoY-TMG4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UB_htqDCP-s

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkRbthnW3sY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZarcTTRUHoU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gv5XtChhzZA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnsRoaKNqnc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGaIaSJa630

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mS0iwib14vA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-Dg3QMfWgQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoqVxjBvZAs

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Christian Love





The following is an actual message I recieved on my Youtube channel from a religious person who is apparently upset that I am an Atheist.

"Die painfully okay? Prefearbly by getting crushed to death in a
garbage compactor, by getting your face cut to ribbons with a
pocketknife, your head cracked open with a baseball bat, your stomach
sliced open and your entrails spilled out, and your eyeballs ripped
out of their sockets. Fucking bitch


I would love to kick you hard in the face, breaking it. Then I'd cut
your stomach open with a chainsaw, exposing your intestines. Then I'd
cut your windpipe in two with a boxcutter. Then I'd tie you to the
back of a pickup truck, and drag you, until your useless fucking
corpse was torn to a million fucking useless, bloody, and gory pieces.

Hopefully you'll get what's coming to you. Fucking bitch




I really hope that you get curb-stomped. It'd be hilarious to see you
begging for help, and then someone stomps on the back of your head,
leaving you to die in horrible, agonizing pain. *beep*"


I sent him a friend invite and gave him my address and told him how much I look forward to meeting him. What would Jesus do?

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