The Pre-Game Show

There are many conspiracy theories going around, each one more absurd than the last. The real conspiracy is that all these fake conspiracies are designed to discredit anyone who knows what the real conspiracies are. I shall give you examples.

Fake Conspiracy: they don't want us to know that we never went to the Moon because the Earth is flat.

Real Conspiracy: they don't want us to understand basic science so that we will vote Republican.

Fake Conspiracy: Hillary Clinton is running a child prostitution ring under a pizza parlor.

Real Conspiracy: The NRA is is scaring you with fears of gun control so that their backers can keep selling more and more guns, no matter how many kids die in school shootings.

Fake Conspiracy: Big Agro is injecting our food with GMOs so that we will be poisoned.

Real Conspiracy: Organic food is a marketing gimmick to get you to spend more money for less food. The USA has the safest food supply in the history of ever. If every farm went organic there would be mass starvation the likes of which have never been seen before.


Fake Conspiracy: Doctors know that vaccines cause autism, but they make more money from selling vaccines.

Real Conspiracy: Drug companies actually make a LOT more money from gullible parents that don't vaccinate their kids. Vaccines are cheap.


Fake Conspiracy: Climate Change is hoax so that greedy scientists can make more money.

Real Conspiracy: Oil Companies promote this myth so that SUV drivers can convince themselves that they are not really greedy selfish babies.


Fake Conspiracy: airplanes are producing chemtrails full of mind altering chemicals, and hundreds of thousands of pilots, mechanics, and stewardesses are so involved that they won't even tell their families.

Real Conspiracy: Lead is an actual mind altering chemical that lowers IQ and increases violent tendencies. Violence and lower IQs mean more people in jail and more money for the Privatized Prison industry. That is why Flint and East Chicago still have lead in the water.

The King was inspecting the royal kitchen and he came to the section where the meat was butchered. He watched the first butcher quickly convert a slab of meat into a pile of chops. "Very good!" said the king, "how long have you been working here?"
The first butcher replied, "I have been here five years. I have sharpened my knife so many times that it is now an inch smaller than when I got it." The king nodded his approval and moved on to the second butcher.
"I see that your knife has been sharpened many times. How long have you been here?" he asked the second butcher.
"your Highness is very observant," said the second butcher. "I have been here ten years. I can de-bone a chicken in 30 seconds without wasting any meat."
The king told his assistant to give the man a raise.
Coming near to the end of his tour the king saw the final butcher and told his assistant "this man is either very lazy or very inexperienced. I don't want him here. Get rid of him."
The third butcher was shocked. He fell to his knees and begged the king to tell him why he was being fired.
The king said "the first butcher has been here 5 years and his knife has been sharpened so many times it is an inch shorter. The second butcher has been here 10 years and his knife is half gone. Your knife is brand new. You must be a very bad butcher."
The sad butcher told the king, "Your Highness, I have been here 20 years. My knife skillfully slices through the meat and no longer touches bone or tendon, therefore it never goes dull. Why should I sharpen a knife that isn't dull?"
The moral of the story is left as an exercise for the reader.