Friday, May 04, 2007

Home of the brave

People always seem to be afraid of the wrong things. In California they are terrified of the Brown Recluse spider. NEWS FLASH! The Brown Recluse spider does not live in California. In Texas they have many Brown Recluses, but for some reason they don't seem to fear them all that much. Instead they fear God, who incidently doesn't live in Texas.
Some people fear crime so much, that they move into those gated communities. If I had the money for a house that big, I wouldn't waste it on a house that big. They don't seem to be afraid of ruining the economy, or else they wouldn't hire all those illegal mexican landscapers and maids. Well I heard a rumour that in one of the gated communities around here a woman was trapped in her own house for 23 hours and repeatedly raped by her illegal alien gardener. The next day the rest of the landscape crew showed up and he went back to work like nothing ever happened. At the end of the day they all left together and he probably never will get caught. Seems that the gated community became a prison for her.
OK, thats a rumour; I don't know if it's true or not and frankly I can't be arsed to find out one way or another. But this is, I swear to god, absolutely true. After the recall with the pet food I heard someone say that they thought it was terrorists who poisoned fluffy's kibble. What better way to strike terror into the hearts of god fearing americans than to give kidney failure to a Shi-tzu. OOOH, maybe that bad spinach last year was AlQaeda. Now that I think about it, wasn't there an outbreak of food-borne illness at Jack-in-the-box a few years ago? Yea and who was President at the time? CLINTON! I knew it was his fault!
"OK", I hear you ask, "what should we be afraid of?" If I was a bully I would be afraid of creating another school shooter, but thats not what I'm talking about.
You should be afraid of AIDS. I know, you're a god-fearing monogamous heterosexual. Why should you fear AIDS? Chances are neither one of us will actually contract HIV, but millions more will. And in those millions of immuno-suppressed people other types of pathogens are trading genes and multiplying. To a virus, genes are like beanie babies, and HIV carriers are like eBay. Maybe you don't believe in evolution, but no matter how hard you believe, Tinkerbell won't come back to life, and evolution won't stop.
I'm somewhat curious to find out what the next big tragedy will be. If I had to put money on it, I wouldn't bet on terrorists or tsunamis. No, my moneys on a world-wide pandemic. So you think because you live in America you'll be safe. You have health insurance. LOL
It's not like the old days. Doctors don't go to school to help people. They go for the money. We used to have men like Joe McCormick, formerly of the CDC, who would go into a hot zone and do everything they could to stop an epidemic. Where are these 'disease cowboys' now? Pushing pencils in Atlanta and going home to their gated communities. "Sorry, can't come to work today. I have a sniffle."
So, Dr. Pencilpusher, is the security at your gated community good enough to keep out an emergent pathogen? I suspect not, but it might just trap you inside.
I sense a lot of fear and hatred in you. Why are you like this?
Hatred yes, fear no. The reason I am like this is because I am tired of being surrounded by imbeciles like you. Now it's my turn. I sense you are afraid to admit you are homosexual. Its the 20th century; gay is fabulous. Come out where ever you are.
Obviously I meant 21st
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